Surabaya, 28th August 2006
A Letter To My 2nd Baby, Joel
Dear my baby,
You are 35 weeks now. Due to my high activities, living in developed country which no government support or benefit just like I was having your older brother Jensen, I just have a time to write this letter. I hope this letter reinforce that your arrival is still welcomed just like your brother Jensen. Nothing changes about parent’s feeling, particularly your daddy and mommy’s feeling. I just can feel you in mine. Do you know that I’m feeling so excited because I know there is a life in mine. Well you cannot imagine being a mommy.
Though you don’t have any privileges like have been owned by the Jensen’s pregnancy time; you have totally different and challenging adventures to be shared. So again, my each pregnancy experience is so unique. And each of my sons will have my love equally without any favouritism, because well you’re simply my son.
I’m not a full-time housewife whilst I’m having you. Instead, I’m a working mum who fights for earning the best future I can get for both of my sons. Again with no support and government benefit, sometimes it’s tough being parent in
Indonesia. With the burden of a son, mommy should get extra arrangement to cope. Not to mention my massive travelling activities. It’s always nice being pregnant, because mommy never feels completely alone. There is always someone who is with me in happiness and sorrow, in funniest & loneliest time.
Mommy is afraid and full of worries (just like every other mum-to-be) now. I’m afraid I cannot give you a comfortable sanctuary there, in my uterus; your home base for the next 5 weeks. Mommy is also sad, because you are born in most our busiest time and that makes me a bit sense of guilt. Furthermore mommy got inner bleeding due to high activities in early days whilst I was having you. The doctor said it’s OK, nothing to worry bout. But still Mommy was forbidden to climb stairs, heavy lifting or having afternoon bicycle time with your brother Jensen. Well, that’s OK. We have my whole life to share stories. There will be no secret among us as you grow in mine. But the most important thing, more than all my feelings, I’m so happy you’re here with me. As I know you were made from our love, your mom & daddy’s love.
What amazing and amused me still about being pregnant, for the whole 40 weeks, you’re the only person in the world who can totally understand my feelings. You will be with me 24 hours, 7 days each week. Yes, of course, you’re in mine now. I know how my feelings or my thoughts will affect you, and form you to be human in your future life. And how you will affect my feelings too. I’m trying so hard to control my feelings when you’re in me. Sadness, anger, and disappointment are so human but I just want to get rid it off. I realize that I’m a human. I cannot be perfect that’s why I will dedicate you to the GOD. Your name means “God is willing this son to be a bright angel”, what a promising name J As His Word in Scriptures is “You saw me before I was born. The days allotted to me had all been recorded in your book, before any of them ever began”.
Most rewarding experience when I was having you, I become more and more aware about the love of Our Heavenly Father to me and my family. I’m more interested by Christianity following my most beautiful fellowship time with my sisters in Christ at MSCS. Before I never know a parent’s feeling to sacrifice His Only Son, but now having two sons on my own; I could really understand. I don’t think I could ever do it, sending my only son to be abandoned and tortured just to save other people’s life. But that’s what done by OUR ALMIGHTY FATHER. I want Jensen and you take place in ministry and being such great blessing for others whom less fortunate or need you. Let Christ Himself be your only guidance, He Himself will take care your talents and keep your faith during difficult circumstances.
My baby, life is full of options. Life is full of doors. We never know what the content or consequence of our decision But the bottom line is, we should be responsible for our decisions and not blaming others and do not forget to take the lessons whatever it takes. Even during most difficult time in your life, begin with the ending mind that you’ll thru that and it makes you stronger, take it as your learning curve of life, forming your wisdom and knowledge about the greatest mystery of our life.
Twenty four days ago was your daddy’s 30th birthday. Daddy is a good and responsible man; I think we can rely on him as head of the family. We’ll safely rely on his shoulder and his strength. I think he has sacrificed enough but he think I am the one who sacrifice enough because I’m the one who’s carrying you. Daddy rubs mommy’s back to ease classic pain in late pregnancy, BACKPAIN . Daddy also keeps telling your brother Jensen, who’s just typical mommy’s boy (just like you’re gonna be I guess ^_^); for not being asked to be carried by me. You know, Jensen is just a typical 3 years old boy who thinks he’s a big boy J But I do think, your brother Jensen really shows great understanding beyond other kids at his age. When mommy said that you’re preparing a welcome gift for him; he’s preparing one for you too J We really cannot wait you both to grow and play together. Be a good and loving brother each other for the rest of your life. Be supportive and understanding each other. You both will probably grow as two very different persons yet having faith and family is greatest asset that money cannot buy. Bear in mind that you’re from same blood and heritage thus, there’s always similarity and connection among you two.
Well, viewing my experience to raise your brother Jensen; I think it’s an unbelievable reward seeing your son growing up so well after you think you cannot go further again. That you’ve done enough and no one would never ever understand. After feeling you’ve done so many mistakes, especially for persons who really put so much efforts being perfect parent (that’s daddy and me dear). But that’s our commitment to our children, NO MATTER WHAT. One day in my daily prayer, I hope you and Jensen will find your soul mates that are provided by GOD. It’s a greatest gift from God because you will just hand in hand till the rest of your life. She would be part our big and loving family J Don’t worry my baby, daddy and mom would help you babysitting your kids.
Although I’m mum already, I never know whether I’m going to be a good Mom for you or not. You know, children are unique. They’re born with their own characters. So although we are good parent for Jensen, probably you won’t think so. So I guess, your daddy and I will keep learning to be good parent for you. But I just want you to know, that I will stand aside you forever and never walk away from you even once. May be there is time when you just want to hang out with your friends and find there is no fun again being together with your parents. It’s a normal transition in human’s life. Someday you will yell to your parents, think that we cannot understand you. Well, that’s OK. It won’t affect our love to you. You haven’t been parents yet. You don’t know how we feel when we are responsible to a life.
Your dad & I should maintain the pureness our love continuously, and fire it up to the eternal flame. It’s a part of marriage commitment and our responsibility to our children. We should make a home sweet home for you. You will find a HOME if you feel tired with your routines. Well, don’t worry about that. Just enjoy your life and growing time. It’s not your responsibility anyway. It’s ours. And it’s my responsibility being more than housewife for my family as God creates women to give life and form the future generation as well as prayer post in the family.
You know, in mom & dad of life, the deepest sadness is when one of our parents passed away. I do not know how much times He will give me to take care you. But I just want to keep praying and begging Him to give me as much as I can until Jensen and you are ready to start your own story of life without me. His words say that He listens every prayer who comes from the heart. And I truly believe in His words.
May be the world welcome you for only just an ordinary birth and increasing of statistic value of birth. But we don’t think so for sure. Moreover you are our child. Many pregnancy books explain and describe about a mother’s feeling when they are pregnant. But it’s more than that, as words cannot fully describe it. Words have limitations and feeling doesn’t. I just try to tell my story about my feeling having you. This is my story about my feeling for having second pregnancy. People said that the excitement will gone with the wind, but thanks GOD it’s not in our case. You’re probably toughest baby-to-be as your mum keeps travelling even in her 37th week , fulfilling her duty as working mum. You’re the most adventurous baby in the world, as mum is having most important meeting and interview whilst I was carrying you in my 8th month pregnant J You’re probably the most good looking baby-to-be as people keep saying that my complexion seems glowing and radiant. Well, those pregnancy hormones really works well in my skin ^_^ And still, mum managed to see beautiful ocean view at Singapore and Makassar for you.
Like others mother in this world, I just wish you are perfect to be born and have no handicaps. But if you are born with it, do not have low self-esteem. A blind & deaf Hellen Keller can give something to the world; even a schizophrenia like John Nash (filmed in Beautiful Mind) can win a Nobel Prize. Recently I read that an autistic child could be a PhD. I don’t dream you will be such as a great hero for the world. But I believe God creates us with our own function that we can give to people around us. Some will be outstanding figures, and some will be just ordinary people like me. But count your blessing through your day-by-day activities; it will make your life full. It’s because God is fair. He never gives us only weaknesses without strengths. Stick on your dreams, hold on and never quit on your dreams as long as it’s good and positive dream. Make differences in this world even though others may look down on what you believe. But IN HIS TIME, you will stand as a winner; prove that HIS GLORY is still the same.
Your dad & I realize that we are responsible to give you safety feeling all the time so you will feel that “Life is beautiful”. We also realize that we should change ourself for the sake of you. We want becoming better persons for you. And everything for the better, is worth fighting for in this life.
Your dad & I will do mistakes, as we are only human. But also because we are human, we will do our best. May be we will be so insensitive bout you. But we want you to forgive us. I want you to know as a human we should have mercy. It will light up your life, don’t let the bitterness of life influence you. You will find lots people hurt you whether in purpose or not. You will be angry and hurt. You will feel they don’t know your feelings. You will feel disappointed with them all, especially those who you care, because you have more expectations to them. But you know, the more you love someone, the more you have to forgive them. It is hard; I don’t say it’s easy. But love is also to forgive.
Have courage in your life; mom is building it now for you. Don’t let anything take the joy from your life. Someday you will read this letter, if you’re old enough. You can doubt many things in your life, but please do not doubt our love to you. I just want you to know, that you’re all my reasons to live. When you’re asking me “Why mom? Why dad?” Well, you know the answer; you’re all my reasons. You have all of our reasons. Jensen and you are having all of our reasons. I can’t wait to welcome you my second baby. It’s always been the three of us, now it’s going to be four of us. Well, life will never the same for your daddy and me and Jensen. It’s just getting better with your presence J
Hugs and kisses from Daddy, Mommy and your older brother Jensen
To our 2nd baby, on its 35th weeks pregnancy (Picture was taken when Joel was born)
Copyright@JISuciadifamily
